Myths about grief
- All losses are the same.
- It takes two months to get over your grief.
- All bereaved people grieve in the same way.
- Grief always declines over time in a steadily decreasing fashion.
- When grief is resolved, it never comes up again.
- Family members will always help grievers.
- Children grieve like adults.
- Feeling sorry for yourself is not ever helpful.
- It is better to put painful things out of your mind.
- You should not think about your deceased loved one at the holidays because it will make you too sad.
- Bereaved individuals only need to express their feelings and they will resolve their grief.
- Expressing feelings that are intense is the same as losing control.
- There is no reason to be angry at people who tried to do their best for your deceased loved one.
- There is no reason to be angry at your deceased loved one.
- Only sick individuals have physical problems while grieving.
- Because you feel crazy, you may be going crazy.
- Infant death shouldn’t be too difficult to resolve because you didn’t know the child that well.
- Children need to be protected from grief and death.
- Rituals and funerals are unimportant in helping us deal with life and death in contemporary America.
- Being upset and grieving means that you do not believe in God or trust your religion.
- You will have no relationship with your loved one after the death.
- The intensity and length of your grief are testimony to your love for the deceased.
- There is something wrong if you do not always feel close to your other family members since you should be happy they are still alive.
- There is something wrong with your if you think that part of you has died with your loved one.
- It is better to tell bereaved people to “be brave” and “keep a stiff upper lip” because then they will not have to experience as much pain.
- Grief will affect you psychologically, but in no other way.
- Losing someone to sudden death is the same as losing someone to an anticipated death.
- You will not be affected much if your parent dies when you are an adult.
- Parents usually divorce after a child dies.
- It is not important to have social support in your grief.
- Once your loved one has died, it is better not to focus on him or her, but to put him or her in the past and go on.
- You can find ways to avoid the pain of your grief and still resolve it successfully.
NONE OF THE ABOVE STATEMENTS ARE TRUE. EVERY ONE IS FALSE.
From: Grieving: How to Go on Living When Somone You Love Dies.
By Therese A. Rando, Ph.D, 1989